The Blueprint: Why We Go Back to the People Who Hurt Us
Hey Queen,
Last week's No Mo' Narcs Masterclass was phenomenal. So many of you showed up, soaked it in, and messaged me after saying, "I needed that."
There were tears and breakthroughs.
If you missed it, don't worry, I am doing it again on Wednesday, 15th October.
✨ It's totally free.
✨ It's fire.
✨ And honestly, it's knowledge that every single woman needs.
Because let's be real, narcissistic abuse isn't rare. It's everywhere.
You, your mum, your sister, your best friend, your boss, your daughter-someone in your world is going through it. Maybe quietly, unknowingly, thinking it's love. Whether that's romantic, friendship or good old blood-related, sometimes, it's those closest to us, huh?
The more we understand this, the more we can protect ourselves and each other.
Knowledge is our power, babe. Let's talk about it.
🧠 My Why: Turning Pain into Purpose
My entire business has always been about helping women heal their relationship patterns, rebuild self-trust, and rise into their power.
But when I peeled back my own layers, I realised the root wound beneath everything I do was narcissistic abuse.
From my father, a violent, overt narcissist, to a relationship that mirrored the same dynamic, that cycle almost destroyed me.
But it also became my initiation into healing, evolution, and work.
🐸 The Boiling Frog: How Narcissistic Abuse Sneaks In
Have you heard of the boiling frog metaphor?
If you drop a frog into boiling water, it jumps out.
But if you place it in warm water and slowly heat it, the frog doesn't realise the danger until it's too late.
That's narcissistic abuse.
It starts beautifully, with the nice part, attention, and affection. You feel seen, adored, chosen.
Then, bit by bit:
- Subtle put-downs
- Mood swings
- Hot-and-cold behaviour
- Gaslighting
- Manipulation
- Use, abuse, discard.
Because you experienced the "good" at first, you dismiss the red flags.
You justify, you excuse, you adapt.
Before you know it, you're walking on eggshells, addicted to the unpredictable highs and lows, doubting yourself at every turn.
That's how it traps you slowly.
🔍 The Truth About Narcissistic Abuse
At its core, narcissistic abuse isn't "just toxic."
It's calculated, intentional, and rooted in power and control.
Their goal isn't love.
It's domination. Manipulation. Ownership.
Here's the cycle:
1️⃣ Love Bombing – They flood you with affection to hook you.
2️⃣ Devaluation – Subtle jabs, criticism, and withdrawal to chip away at your self-esteem.
3️⃣ Gaslighting – They deny your reality and twist the truth.
4️⃣ Isolation – They cut you off from friends and family.
5️⃣ Intermittent Reinforcement – Just enough "good" moments to keep you addicted.
The inconsistency makes it so powerful that it conditions your brain like a slot machine.
You keep chasing the high that never truly returns.
It's addictive, babe.
💔 My Rock Bottom Narcy Moments
I’ve lived it, the discard, the devastation, the confusion.
I had harrowing experiences with both my father and my ex, each discarding me like I was nothing. And, both times, it followed their shitty behaviour, not mine.
Have you heard that saying:
“Some people aren’t talking to you because of something you did; they’re not talking to you because of what they did.”
That one hits hard.
Sometimes we know this, but it doesn’t stop it from hurting.
And it sure as hell doesn’t stop us from walking straight back into the fire when the wounds are still unhealed.
Why do we think we can find healing or closure in the same place that broke us?
We know we can’t.
But that deep, unmet need for love, the kind we never got as children, keeps pulling us back.
That’s the truth about trauma, babe.
It wires us to crave the familiar even when the familiar is painful.
But the fact of the matter is
We will never get what we need from those who caused the wound or those who share our original wound-giver traits.
They’re made of the same damn cloth.
It was the blueprint carved into my subconscious since childhood, conditioning me to tolerate, to shrink, and, quite frankly, to be treated like shit.
But those two pivotal moments?
They put me flat on my ass and cut my heart clean open. Some shit you just can’t deny, y'know?!
I carried deep, harrowing shame from those moments, and I held it in silence.
But it was never my shame to carry.
That’s one of the most challenging and liberating truths to accept: their behaviour was never your fault.
And if you’re reading this thinking, “I’ve been there,” I want you to know this, babe:
💗 It was not your fault.
💗 You were manipulated.
💗 And it was never your shame to carry.
🔓 What Keeps Victims Trapped
It’s not stupidity or weakness, babe. It’s psychology.
🔸 Shame - for staying. For going back. For wanting their love.
🔸 Self- blame - for “missing the signs.” For “being silly.” For still loving them.
🔸 Hope - that they’ll change. That the good version will come back.
🔸 Familiarity - the dynamic feels like home to your nervous system. Shit stinks, but its warm.
Narcs thrive on that cycle.
They feed on silence, isolation, and your compassion.
That’s why sisterhood is sacred. 💞
Because shame dies in safe spaces.
We don’t do shame here. Ever. 👑
🔥 The Good News: You Can Heal
I'm living proof that you can break free from the narc, from the pattern and with an open heart for healthy future love.
You can rebuild your self-trust, your confidence, your identity, and your love for life.
That's why I created No Mo' Narcs and why this masterclass exists.
Because education and awareness are the first steps to breaking the cycle.
🩵 The No Mo' Narcs Masterclass
📅 Wednesday 15th October
🕖 7PM UK Time
💻 Live on Zoom
🎟️ Free to join
We'll cover:
✨ The psychology behind narcissistic abuse
✨ How trauma bonds form and why they're so hard to break
✨ The real red flags (not just the TikTok ones)
✨ How to rewire your nervous system after abuse
You'll walk away with tools, awareness, and so much fire in your soul.
💌 Queen, Share the Light
If you know someone going through it, forward this to them.
You never know what message could change their life.
This is knowledge every woman deserves.
Because when we understand it, we stop normalising it.
✨ You deserve more.
✨ Life's too short for shitty love.
✨ Knowledge is your power. Healing is your freedom.
With love & fierce authenticity,
Nina x
P.S. Hit reply and tell me, what's your biggest takeaway from this week's message? I love hearing from you. 💗
Responses